i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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