so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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