Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
