I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
