No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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