We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My feet surprised me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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