on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
