Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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