Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
