rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
