Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
