see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sarcasm needs its own font
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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