And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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