The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
