You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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