Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
