party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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