I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
