I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
