Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
