she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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