i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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