We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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