Pants 0. Shit 1.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
