I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
