I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
