Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
