His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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