I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
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