I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
