College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
