I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
