Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
