it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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