bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
