Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
