found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
