They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My penis needs a shock collar
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
