If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
