meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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