he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
