Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
