i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
