I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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