I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
