Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
