I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
