john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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