I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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