They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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