No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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