i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
operation have a gay friend backfired
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
