There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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