I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
