so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
