ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
