I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize