Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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