I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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