Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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