her vagine was all disorganized.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
