he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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