Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
