so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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