did you get engaged???
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So. Much. Porn.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
