Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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