Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
