I think I died a long time ago.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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