i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
