dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
