i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
