What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
